10 Tips on How to Get C1 Chicks

10 Tips on How to Get C1 Chicks.

Some people go to singles wards, but until you have been to Colonial First - you haven't lived, baby

Okay, so now that I've been here for a good 8 months (plus the 8 months I had here as an intern), I think that I can now report on how to work the dating scene. (not out of experience, of course, my dating life has been abysmal, but because I observe and take notes). So to foster better dating for all new comers or slow learners in the C1, here are 10 fail-proof tips to make it happen:

1. Get Regular Hair Cuts

       - The BYU alumni here is strong - and the honor code lives on. You might be tempted to be      fashionable and appeal to a wider audience. Don't do it, being clean cut will show them that you have stability, have bishop potential, and still don't listen to Metallica. (fooled them, heh)

2. Drop the "D" bomb. 

        - This might sound counterintuitive to anyone that has dated in Provo lately, because some of us have learned that the word "Date" has a rightful place among all of the other four letter words. But here, you must use it like Buddy uses syrup. Even if it isn't really a date date, say it anyway. "Would you like to do a "morning date" (breakfast), "running date" (a jog), "sunday date" (go to a fireside), "I-have-to-go-buy-some-apples date" (go the grocery store); using the word date is like a secret elvish password to let you into the gates of Mordor, with Frodo and Samwise¹. Learn it, love it, use it. 

3. No Shoulder Surfing

        - You've been there before: house party, 165 people packed into a 20 by 20 room, fire code violations, groups of talking people standing in circles, and you are with one single lady. Resist the urge to scope out the other babes. Just focus, you can do it. 

4. Upon Learning Her Age, Tell Her that She Looks Younger Than She Is.

        - False flattery is a terrible thing, so do as George Costanza, and believe it. Age is a sensitive thing around here.  Provo duped us all into believing that 21 was old. Some of us dudes learned real quickly that is a big flat lie, but girls, they still believe it. So anyway to help the hurt hurt less, is less hurt. 

5. Be Cool with the Biebs

        - Apparently Justin Bieber is hotter than Justin Timberlake, which I don't understand at all. But whatev. If you try to fight this, you'll lose. Just be cool with random break-outs of girls singing at the top of their lungs, to the Bieber, in a car, on the way to Cafe Rio. 

6. Cafe Rio

         - I don't know if it is a little taste of home, or if it is the overpowering dressing mixed with over powering pork seasoning, or it is a cultural thing - whatever it is, just learn to like it. It's like living in a South American country - just put it in your mouth and smile, you don't want to risk offending anyone.

7.  Talk About Dating but Don't Talk about Dating

          - C1 Girls HATE/LOVE talking about dating. But remember, moderation in all things friends. Oh yeah, and don't be negative about it (quickest way to get a C1 girl in a bad mood).

8. Be Yourself and Be Nice

          - Duh. But this is why it is especially important in little provo: girls here are often more intelligent than you are; they will see right through the chameleon. Now, that is hard for some of us, because some of us know that "ourselves" don't get the ladies. That's okay, sincerity goes pretty far around here. 

9. Hold off From Asking, "What do you do?"

           - "What do you do?" is a great question to get to know somebody, you learn a lot about a person because that is really "what they do" for about  40 hours+ a week. However, somehow, the question is asked so much that they hate answering it, if only because they had to answer the same question about 5 seconds earlier. Get them to talk about themselves in other ways like, "Do you like Doritos?", "Are you a Michaelson or a Spektor kind of girl?", "Do you cut your PB&Js diagonally or perpendicularly down the middle?". Also be wary of political questions²

10. Learn to Kiss in Opportune Moments

           - So if I wanted to kiss girls during my undergrad, I would just take them to my place and turn on Big Trouble in Little China, one of the best guy movies ever. The movie would bore them to death to the point that they would just rather make out than watch the coolest movie ever; if you don't make out, then cool, because you still get to watch Big Trouble in Little China. Here, however, that does not work. Girls here know the movie trick. But luckily, they still want to kiss. SO, find your nearest pretty view (there are many around here), turn on lights by Journey, and work the magic, baby. 

1. This might seem like a random analogy, but it is quite apt: We are tying to get "the ring" (wedding ring) past all of the obstacles (emotional issues) while avoiding the all seeing eye (judgments coming from ridiculously high standards). Let's just hope that when she opens that huge black gate (her heart) to you there won't be any orcs inside, because lets be honest, that would be disappointing. Tolkien, you genius. 
2. There is a good chance they work for some crazy congressman/senator, who they happen to be quite fond of. Nothing is worst than accidentally making fun of someone's boss. Sorry cute girls that work for Mike Lee - I didn't mean it.  . . okay I probably did. 

Sundance v. Law School

This is the Tree Room - I don't miss it BTW

Wow.

So it's been a couple weeks...errr, months since I posted. And so this makes post #2 - apparently I'm not very good at blogging. I'd rather not go off on an I'm-so-busy rant and use my busyness as an excuse - because that would be too self serving. But, I have been really busy. So here is my rant:

I served at Sundance's restaurants, The Tree Room and the Foundry Grill, while in college -the best part of working there was the free ski pass. To be honest, I probably wasn't the best server in town. Why? Because I get flustered and have, especially back then, had a hard time multitasking. However, I worked hard, and my customers liked me. When servers are busy, they are really busy. Our term at Sundance, "server busy", is self explanatory for people that have served in restaurants before; its a type of busyness that few professions can appreciate. After a busy night I would have what we called "server dreams", where you would wake up at 3:47 AM in a cold sweat because you can't get ketchup to table 4.

For the ones that haven't been servers, here is a little illustration to explain what I am talking about. At the tree room we worked in teams, meaning more tables and less to do at each table. On weekends we would have 12+ tables at a time. These are the things that I had to worry about as my less-than-superior position on the team:

Table 1: A romantic couple, eating entrees, but going slow, 15 minutes until dessert menus.
Table 2: Three people just sat down, needs water and a wine and drinks order.
Table 3: Four people just ordered, they need bread immediately, 3 minutes until salads
Table 4: A couple just finished their 2nd course, wants more bread and extra extra butter
Table 5: A Mormon couple asking for triple refills of strawberry lemonade, and is sharing a salad.
Table 6: Ordered dessert, needs spoons and coffee.
Table 7: Just sat down, needs water
Table 8: Just left, table needs to be clear, table cloths replaced, dishes replaced on the table.
Table 9: Entrees are ready for pickup, cooks are pissed that they are sitting and waiting to be delivered
Table 10: Chilling and drinking wine - has been waiting for entrees for 3 min. more than they should.
Table 11: Dude is about to propose to a lady with fakeones.
Table 12: Eating entrees, needs water

Meanwhile: There are dishes piled up, managers freaking out, cooks yelling at you, mexican dishwashers offering you pizza or tacos (best part of the job) and you have got to put a smile on your face and make people feel warm and fuzzy.

Well, Why do I tell you this? Because I want people to understand what I mean when I say that I have been "perma-server busy" lately. Meaning that feeling of urgency is constant.

*Disclaimer: one of the reasons that I am so busy is not only because of law school. I also, in the hopes to make my life well rounded, do ward activities, play in bands, and flirt with ladies, etc. So the busyness is self-imposed. 

I find myself "running the floor" of law school. Just as I would "kitchen, floor, dishpit, and repeat, I now read, class, write, practice test, outline, and repeat. Similarly, every moment I spend on one task, the other tasks becoming increasingly more urgent. Sometimes I "scan the floor." It would help to stop in the dining room and physically point at every table and tell yourself what the next step is - but sometimes scanning seems like precious moments wasted.

But I've never been happier. And after all, this is life. Can it be true that if one doesn't feel some sort of urgency in life, then one isn't living? I don't think this will ever change. In fact you could probably write this same graph for a Mother of 5.

Child 1: 15 years old, drive to football practice at 3, young mens at 7.
Child 2: 13 years old, soccer at 3:30, going bowling with friends afterwards
Child 3: 10 years old, out of school at 2:30, violin at 3:00-3:30, church activity at 6
Child 4: 7, school out 1:00, wants lunch right after, wants friends over at 5
Child 5: 5 years old, preschool at 11:00 am 12:30
Child 6: 45 years old, wants dinner at 6:30, then has meetings until 9.

Meanwhile: You get the point.

So I appreciate the hurt, because chicks dig scars - apparently - and I want good stories to tell to my grandchildren. AND I want good stories to tell after I'm dead playing heaven poker with my heaven poker buddies on heaven thursday nights. Or Hell wednesday nights, depending on my performance during this whole charade.

PS. Despite my crazy way of living life, my date of death on http://www.deathclock.com/ is April 20th 2082. I will live until two weeks before my 99th birthday! Too bad I don't make it to triple digits.

Law School - A New Blog?

Apparently Sister Chuntz fancies herself a photographer, faking her expertise in developing by using Instagram.

A lawyer friend was telling me the other day that she feels like her legal writing training/thinking/writing has ruined her creativity. I hope this does not happen. Maybe this blog, which is purely recreational writing, will help ease the pain.


So here it goes, a new era of life, and a whole new pile of ramblings go unread. . . (insert star trek, the next generation theme). HA! JK.. kinda. If I had a hundred dollars for every law school blog that is out there, I might actually pay off my student loans - so here is to one inch closer:

GROUND RULES:

1. All opinions shared on this blog are subject to change.
2. Assume sarcasm if there is anything offensive in this blog's text
      (a) unless the text is referring to Creed or Nickelback
             (i)   if one is offended by my references to said bands, one may de-friend me on Facebook.
             (ii)  when crap craps, it craps out Creed, and when Creed craps, it craps out Nickelback
3. I will not be held liable for continual redundant references to law school, even when they be repetitious.
4. Sometimes I will be serious on this blog, if you are wondering if I'm serious, I'm not.
5. This blog is for my enjoyment, and therefore I will not go through painful measures to eliminate grammar issues, run-on sentences, or plain old crappy writing.
6. I'm a practicing Mormon. (This point is for all the Mormons who might wonder if I'm active and for Non-Mormons who wonder why I say so many weird things.)
7. I finally decided on a political affiliation (took me long enough), I am a staunch moderate. (This point is for all of those Republicans who think I'm a baby-killer and all those Dems that think I hate gay people. I don't think I'm either, whether you think I am or not. Go watch Fox or MSNBC or something.
8. I'm not passionate about politics. To say that I am passionate about politics is like saying women are passionate about reality TV, specifically The Biggest Looser.

THE FIRST MONTH OF LAW SCHOOL - "What's it like" they say?

Law school isn't as bad as I've been told.

First of all, law school is better than working. When at work, you must answer to bosses, customers, angry coworkers, emails, and the like. At school, it is just read all freakin' day. It's work, but . . . at least I don't make enemies from my crappy work, I just earn bad grades. (Which might be worse... moving on.)

Second, yes they work you to death. I did more work in my first week at GW law than I did in a whole semester at UVU. Is that okay? Yes. It's like working 70 hours a week - I'm a real adult, welcome to real life. Do I like to ask myself questions? Yes. I do.

Third, I watch REALLY rated-R movies in class. Which is kind of cool, I get to watch good movies while not feeling responsable for subjecting myself to the forbidden. Oh yeah, and the cases that I read, which are totally applicable to the practice of law, are even more Rated-R (lawyers get called when things go wrong.) (And for Utahans that read this, the "F" word is part of the average vernacular outside "the bubble". While we do not speak this "F" word, can we decide to not "get offended" by it?)

Fourth, one of the main reasons why I think law school has mixed reviews is because its a very intellectual exercise that requires large amounts of nerdiness. If you get a bunch of x-high-school football quarter-backs that go to law school because of the prestige and money, of course they are going to hate it. It turns out, that this is a profession made by nerds, for nerds. Which means I fit in just right. (P.S. civil procedure is Magic the gathering meets Pokemon for grown-ups.)

Fifth, love my law friends, love the diversity, love the city, love the ward, love the ladies.

Done.